Four Sweet Words
"Pitchers and catchers report."

The Phillies officially open spring training today in Clearwater, Florida. The typically miserable Philly sports columnists are slamming the team as "lacking buzz" and "less confident" compared to a year ago, but you know what? Given how 2004 played out for the Fightin's, that's really fine with me. (I won't even link to the Marcus Hayes "10 questions" column, which I worry might have made me dumber just for having read it. It's astonishing that this guy has a job, especially compared to the Inquirer beat guy Todd Zolecki who actually seems to have some understanding of baseball.)

The season starts April 4 against the Washington Monuments--um, Expos--I mean, "Nationals." If on that day we can state with confidence that Randy Wolf and Vicente Padilla and Billy Wagner are healthy; Brett Myers seems to be closer to getting a clue; Pat Burrell looks more like the 37-homer monster of 2002 than the .209-hitting pitiful giant of 2003; and the likely platoons in centerfield (Kenny Lofton/Jason Michaels) and second base (Chase Utley/Placido Polanco) are ready to roll, I'll feel pretty good about things.

Miserable columnist #2 (Salisbury) is right about one thing: the division isn't as ripe for the taking as it was last year, when the Braves and Marlins were coming off winters when they clearly subtracted talent and the Mets were still a Mess. And, yeah, if we had a GM with a clue instead of Ed "Dead Weight" Wade, Larry Bowa would have been fired after the September 2003 choke-a-roo and we probably would have been fine last year.

There's a real chance that the Phils will play better in 2005 and still miss the playoffs because they've been overtaken by the Marlins (or, I guess, the Mets, though I still don't believe in their bullpen and I think the trainer's room at Shea might be standing room only). And the Braves probably could mount a credible run for the division title with the Cheltenham High School junior varsity nine, as long as they have Cox and Mazzone calling the shots; I don't know how they're going to score runs without J.D. Drew, and I can't imagine that newly acquired rotation ace Tim Hudson, great as he is, will be all that much better than Jaret Wright was for them last year, and I don't think new closer Danny Kolb is all that good... but it's proven foolishness to pick against Atlanta. The Phils have their work cut out for them.

There's a lot to be bummed out about today. The NHL might be dying before our eyes with their stunningly idiotic decision to cancel the season; the Idiot King just nominated John "Death Squads for Democracy" Negroponte as the country's intelligence chief; revelations that the White House slipped a ringer propagandist working under an alias who was also a gay hooker into the press room every day for two years have been met with a general yawn by the same people who wanted to burn Bill Clinton at the stake (though at least this might have inspired Maureen Dowd's best column ever; that's something, no?).

But today at least, we can put all that to the side with those delightful words, "Pitchers and catchers report." Good stuff.