In these troubled times for our beloved country, it's worth keeping in mind that at least once in awhile, history does provide us with happy endings. Consider the case of former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, who in his post-political life has ascended to the heights of... amazon.com's top 500 online book reviewers:
NEWT GINGRICH has been leading a secret life. Night after night for years he's been slipping out of the headquarters of the vast right-wing conspiracy, wolfing down spy novels and then reviewing them for Amazon.com. So prolific and proficient has he been at this pursuit that he has attained the coveted title Amazon Top 500 Reviewer. Newt is number 488.
To earn this honor, Gingrich wrote 137 reviews, which were deemed "helpful" by 2,002 people. "Newt Gingrich," we learn from his extensive About Me page, "is an avid reader. He does not review all of the books he reads. You will not find any bad reviews here, just the books he thinks you might enjoy."
This is a guy who, frankly, terrified me when I was 21 years old and watching the tidal wave of Republican gains crest in 1994. A friend and I once semi-seriously discussed whether it would be worth it to give up our lives to stop a man whose destructive ideas, we thought, could bring the country to ruin. (Hey, we were 21. You probably said some stupid, melodramatic crap when you were that age too.) I'm currently reading Sidney Blumenthal's excellent memoir/history The Clinton Wars, and seeing again just grandiose, almost messianic, was Gingrich's view of himself: "Definer of civilization... Teacher of the Rules of Civilization... Leader (possibly) of the civilizing forces." This was the guy who blamed Susan Smith's drowning her children on sick Democratic morality (never mind that Smith's family had been Republicans for generations) and counseled his caucus to use words like sick, pathetic, decay, corrupt, waste, and traitor in all public pronouncements about Democrats and liberals.
And all this time, his ultimate destiny was to sit up at night, probably eating potato chips and drinking Cokes, reading boilerplate spy novels and then spewing out his thoughts online for fellow fans of the genre. If that doesn't give you hope, nothing will.
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